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Virgin America CEO DAAve Cush announced today that the airline would not proceed with previously-announced plans to fly to Chicago/O’Hare Airport due to an inability to secure “suitable gate space.” Cush explained that while there were gates available, “they all had a really bad vibe.”
When asked for further details, Virgin America spokesperson Abby “I don’t earn enough to deal with this crap” Lunardini said that they were in negotiations with United for terminal space, but that fell through. “We wanted to set up shop in that cool underground tunnel that goes between the B and C gates in United’s Terminal 1. Just replace that weird xylophone music with something more modern and you could really have a kickass rave down there.”
She added, “Once we found out that there was no way to actually board an aircraft from underground, we just gave up. I mean, all the other available space in that airport was lame. Besides, the tarmac at that airport has a bunch of oil stains which might mess up the Gucci tires on our planes.”
The City of Chicago confirmed that gates were offered to Virgin America at Terminal 5, the airport’s international facility, but the airline was “looking for something with a different atmosphere” than what they had available.
The airline has now said that it expects to announce a new city in the coming days. Analyst speculation has centered around Ibiza with double daily flights from both San Francisco and Los Angeles.
[Original photos from cmakin and curran.kelleher via Flickr]
