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After Europe Takeover German Sights on USA

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23rd December 2008

Posted by Trip Unavarsky

Fresh from announcements of successful bids to take over half a dozen European airlines, German airline Lufthansa today made an audacious bid to take over the entire US aviation industry for $1. Lufthansa will be seeking a rule change to allow foreign ownership of US airlines, a move sure to frustrate Sir Richard Branson who fought for years to establish Virgin America.

A spokesperson admitted the bold move was made several hours into the head office Christmas party “when we realised our thinking was all wrong on the issues of sovereignty and competition law”. She explained to us that if Lufthansa owns all the airlines then they cannot be acting anti-competitively against each other. The major benefit being promoted is saving American jobs without requiring a US taxpayer-funded bailout.

Sir Richard Branson reacted immediately by issuing a Churchillian statement about fighting the Germans on the long beaches. In breaking news, the Aviation Dally understands Virgin Atlantic and Virgin America will soon be forced to discontinue flights from Los Angeles International (LAX) airport and move to Long Beach airport instead.