Posted by Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries

Following the most recent ruling in the long-running USAPA legal case, the union has decided to sue the presiding judge in the case, Judge Neil V. Lake.

While Judge Lake was delivering the ruling denying USAPA’s request for dismissal of the case, he reportedly raised his eyebrows numerous times and raised his voice toward USAPA’s counsel. USAPA’s complaint repeatedly discusses this “hostile attitude toward the defendant” and requests a change of venue for the AWA pilots vs. USAPA case, as well as punitive damages of $200 million.

“We are extremely disappointed with the lack of cooperation expressed by the Judge during this case. The harsh words in his complaint caused Union leaders to be unable to answer the toll-free safety hotline, and his blatant disregard for the Union’s case has caused immense harm to the Union as well as the hard-working BOS, CLT, DCA, LGA, and PHL-based pilots of US Airways. We are troubled by the events that have happened in his courtroom and feel the only way to obtain a fair hearing is to show him who’s boss,” noted Steve Bradford, President of USAPA.

When asked for comment, Judge Lake started muttering “How did I end up with this case?” and walked away.

This case marks the 15th legal action implemented by USAPA since the Union’s certification in April 2008.

When asked how the Union would be financing the legal bills, USAPA Spokesman, Captain James Ray, noted “The Union received a credit line increase on the Union’s US Airways Business Mastercard last week. As a result, the Union has enough funding to keep all programs fully functional, except for the ASAP program which we ended this week.”

Posted by Earl Lyons

NMB Asks NLRB for Mediation in American Airlines Case
The National Mediation Board asked the National Labor Relations Board to appoint a mediator in its dispute with American Airlines and American’s pilots represented by the Allied Pilots Association.

NMB mediator Mike Tosi said the NMB decided it needed an impartial mediator to decide who was causing the pilot negotiations to go nowhere, and he was tired of being yelled at both American and the union.


American Sues The Onion for Theft
American Airlines has filed suit against The Onion for allegedly stealing American’s marketing plans.

The Fort Worth-based carrier took the action after the national newspaper revealed in a Dec. 1 story that the carrier’s planned to charge fees to people who stayed home, were named Greg or engaged in other non-related activities.

“We think they either have a spy inside our planning committee meetings or planted a listening device,” an American executive complained.

The case, filed in U.S. District Court in Dallas, asks that The Onion pay $100 million in damages, surrender all its AAdvantage miles, sit on the tarmac for five hours without getting up to go to the bathroom and pay $50 for the first checked bag. In addition, the newspaper would be in Boarding Group 7.


US Airways Makes New Offer to Buy Delta
US Airways chairman and chief executive officer Doug Parker made a new effort to buy Delta Air Lines.

The attempt, launched in late November, was finally noticed in mid-December. Said a Delta executive: “He what?”


Northwest Airlines Flight Attendant Kills Passenger
Traveling on a Northwest Airlines flight from Detroit to Seattle, John Brannigan, a banking executive from Atlanta, called a 36-year veteran flight attendant “stewardess” and suggested that she “step on it” if she wanted to earn a good tip.

Mr. Brannigan was 59 and is survived by his wife and two grown children.


Branson Creates Airline Alliance
Sir Richard Branson announced the creation of the fourth global airline alliance, Virginworld.

“Our coalition will be focused on stopping other alliances from getting anything,” Sir Richard said.

The initial members of the alliance include Virgin Atlantic, Virgin Blue, Virgin Nigeria, Virgin America, Pogo Jets, Ralph Nader and Eliot Spitzer.

Posted by Tucano Bandeirante

Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary has announced plans to take his airline to court over “excessive and silly” lawsuits against the EU, Aer Lingus, the Irish government, airports operator BAA and the Queen of England, among others.

It had to be done, said O’Leary. “We are spending too much EXPLETIVE DELETED money on these EXPLETIVE DELETED lawsuits that we always lose,” he asserted. “The only way we can stop this EXPLETIVE DELETED foolishness is to sue ourselves and put an end to the EXPLETIVE DELETED lawsuits once and for all.”

The money spent on lawsuits could be put to better EXPLETIVE DELETED use, said O’Leary. “We could buy a fleet of 787s, add service to more than 100 EXPLETIVE DELETED new cities or even spend it chasing after more money from the EXPLETIVE DELETED airports we already serve,” he EXPLETIVE DELETED noted. The EU, Aer Lingus, the Irish government, airports operator BAA and the Queen of England all declined comment when contacted by The DALLY.