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ATA To Pursue Merger with IATA

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08th December 2008

Posted by H.P. Oag

Air Transport Association (ATA) chairman and United Airlines CEO Glenn Oilman announced today that his organization has decided to pursue a merger with the International Air Transport Association (IATA). Oilman initially expects to lead the combined organization, though IATA Director General and CEO Johnny Bigsalami will be “groomed” as his successor.

In a rambling speech delivered in front of the mirror, Oilman outlined his rationale for the merger.

If you take the plans that we’re discussing today, capacity discipline as a principle rather than a synergy, take the focus on cost management that we are discussing today, again, the plan with respect to the value of each one of the businesses within the two portfolios that might consolidate, and if you took our plan and our discussion relative to that value that needs to be identified and unlocked, and you layered it over a consolidating scenario, I think you have an attractive investment proposition seen through the lens of a discussion that we’re having about our own opportunities, which I don’t think has yet made it to the back of the proverbial envelope.

Oilman’s second-in-command, Neck Brace, indicated that the merger would be contingent upon all wages being slashed 95%.

When asked for comment, IATA spokesperson Esteban “Trent” Lott shook his head and started laughing.

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