Thanks for reading this year's Aviation Dally (that's D-A-L-L-Y), an annual spoof on airline industry news.

In case you were wondering, this is in no way affiliated with Aviation Daily or its publisher, McGraw-Hill. After reading all the great stuff in here, they probably wish they had something to do with it, but nope, they didn't.

If you like what you see here, subscribe to The Cranky Flier where you can get real info on the world of air travel. Subscribe below.

Subscribe to Cranky

Get Cranky via RSS

Subscribe to Comments
Email or RSS

More Subscription Options

Highest Rated

United Invests in Illinois Senate Seat (5 out of 5)
United Launches Low-Fare Airline Nit (5 out of 5)
USAPA Sues Federal Judge for Unfavorable Ruling, “Looking at Us Funny” (5 out of 5)
American Pilots Fight for Return to 1934 Wages with Adjustments (4.75 out of 5)
US Airways to Charge Passengers for Smooth Landings (4.69 out of 5)
Ryanair Files Latest Lawsuit – Against Itself (4.67 out of 5)
Boeing Pushes Out 787 Dreamliner Delivery Date to May 3rd, 2063 (4.67 out of 5)
Virgin America Turns Down Chicago/O’Hare Gates Due to “Bad Vibe” (4.64 out of 5)
United to Launch Dozens of New Branded Products to Boost Ancillary Revenue (4.58 out of 5)
Obama Administration to Sell Air Force One, Use Low-Cost Airlines (4.58 out of 5)
California Residents Protest Dash 8 Aircraft as Part of Prop 8 Backlash (4.5 out of 5)
Spirit Launches FUC ME BITCH Sale, From $9 Each Way (4.42 out of 5)
Continental Airlines Launches New Ad Campaign: “Fly Continental: We’ll Give You 1/3 of a Turkey Sandwich” (4.17 out of 5)
Emirates Launches Luxurious New First Class Cabin in A380 and Extremely Filthy Economy Class for Flights to India (4 out of 5)
Emirates Pushes Expansion Despite Gloom (4 out of 5)
News Briefs: American’s Marketing Plans, US Airways Merger Efforts, and More (4 out of 5)
TSA Enhances Security Again (3.8 out of 5)
Hartsfield-Jackson Finds Unique Funding Opportunity (3.75 out of 5)
ATA To Pursue Merger with IATA (3.67 out of 5)
Online Travel Sales to Exceed all Travel Sales by 2016: PhuckUsRight (3.67 out of 5)
After Europe Takeover German Sights on USA (3.67 out of 5)
Boeing Turns to Model Airplane Builders, Weight Watchers for 787 Dreamliner Help (3.63 out of 5)
United Partners with The Biggest Loser to ‘Trim’ Onboard Meal Offerings (3.6 out of 5)
Southwest Aircraft Grounded For Being Too Ugly (3.5 out of 5)
American Announces Conversion of Airline to “Flying Museum” (3.33 out of 5)
Amadeus Cost Reduction Plans Announced (3 out of 5)
O’Hare Expansion Threatened by Governor (1 out of 5)

Articles We’re Not Working On

Lufthansa Buys 60% Share in All Remaining Independent Carriers
Hauenstein: Delta Confident on South Pole Route Despite Lack of Airport
Mesa's Ornstein Denies Plan to Charge Flight Attendants for Duty Flights
Southwest Records Mark-to-Market Loss on $13/bbl Fuel Hedges
Pittsburgh May Move Entire Population to City's Empty Airport Terminals
Port Authority Admits Three Pan Am Flights Still Taxiing at JFK
Obama Names Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich New DOT Secretary
New Owners of Alitalia Switch to Fiat 500s on Rome-Milan Route
FAA Says Retirement of Last Air Traffic Controller 'Not Unexpected'
Baltia's Dmitrowsky Still Expects First Flights to Launch in 21st Century
BAA Report Blames Tainted Windex for Botched Terminal 5 Opening
United Arranges Sale-Leaseback of CEO Tilton's Office Furniture
TSA Will Fine Travelers Who Choose Wrong Self-Select Lane
Chart: Crandall's 500 Reasons Why Labor Ruined Everything
Chart: Airlines Still Paying Wolf for Change-of-Control Clauses
Chart: The Ten American Airlines Flights at DFW That Run On-Time

TSA Enhances Security Again

(5 votes, average: 3.8 out of 5)

Loading ...

23rd December 2008

Posted by Trip Unavarsky

In his daily media briefing, Kip Hawley, head of TSA, today announced a range of improvements to security to protect all good Americans. These changes will come into effect midnight tonight. Hawley made no apology for the short notice for the changes saying “terrorists do not give us advance notice of their attacks so why should we give advance notice of our defensive measures?.”

The changes are summarised below.

All passengers flying within USA, to US airports, from US airports, within 1000 miles of US airspace, or on any US made aircraft, will be required to submit the following before being allowed to fly:
1. 1 pint of blood no less than 1 week prior to departure to allow positive identification of bad guys. A further sample is to be provided at the security checkpoint which will be cross-matched to verify identity. Please allow a minimum of 120 minutes for blood samples to be validated.
2. A declaration by every passenger that they are not a bad guy, signed and witnessed by a TSA agent.
Due to security checkpoints failing to identify bad things in testing, passengers will no longer be allowed to carry on any items. Passengers will also no longer be allowed to wear clothes.
Increase in security checkpoint staff levels by 90%.
Creation of a security cordon around every airport. All people that pass within 1 mile of an airport will be required to meet the same requirements as passengers. A special branch of TSA, to be called TSA At Large, will be established to enforce this regulation with an initial 50,000 agents.
A mysterious rule 28 giving extra powers to TSA. The details of which are classified.

Mr Hawley said the changes were good and necessary, adding that “anyone opposed to these security enhancements is a terrorist.”

Tags: safety, security, tsa

Posted in: Uncategorized |
Comments (1)

1 Comment »

HEY !! Watch it. That’s just a LITTLE TO CLOSE to be funny. I wondered when the rectal exams would arrive. Who knows who may smuggle anything in a body cavity. More bad guys I’m sure.

Comment by Steve — December 25, 2008 @ 2:57 pm

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Aviation Dally

Skewering Air Travel One Article at a Time