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American Announces Conversion of Airline to “Flying Museum”
(3 votes, average: 3.33 out of 5)
Loading ...17th December 2008
American Airlines today announced the conversion of the airline to a museum.
“After reviewing the profits of the C.R. Smith Museum last quarter and realizing it had a margin greater than the airline for the past ten years, we decided to enhance shareholder value and profitability by pursuing the museum option”, exclaimed Gerard Arpey, Chairman, President, CEO, and executive chef. “This allows us to reduce tax liability as well as enhance the value of our assets.”
“The entire MD-80 fleet will be retrofitted with exhibits detailing the history of Douglas Aircraft. Interactive exhibits will be added to several rows throughout the cabin detailing the history of American as well as Commercial Aviation, as invented by American Airlines,” noted Dan “Sell it!” Garton, EVP Marketing. “We are also excited about the changes to the AAdvantage program, which will enhance benefits for all members.”
Silver status will now cost $200 per year and offer a 5% discount on an unrestricted single coach ticket, as well as 2 free bags per flight and one free snack per year. Gold memberships, now $500 per year, offer the benefits of Silver status. In addition, Gold members receive one free first class upgrade, a single 10% discount on any restricted coach ticket (subject to blackout dates), and three free drinks per year.
Platinum AAdvantage memberships, now $1500 per year, offer the same benefits as Gold and Silver status. In addition, Platinum members receive ten free first class upgrades, ten free drinks, preferential seating, and one invitation a year to the American Airlines Admirals Club at Philadelphia International Airport (passes to other clubs are available for an additional fee). Garton noted that all levels included priority boarding, priority security line access, and the award-winning American Airlines service.
The Dally has learned that no plans are in place to bring back services from the past, such as the piano bar, on the present day fleet. American executives noted that the point of converting the fleet to a museum was to preserve the flying experience as it was in late 2007.
When reminded that this move would not allow American to replace the aging MD-80 fleet, Arpey exclaimed “What? Garton told me this would be the solution to our MD-80 problem! Get Allegiant on the phone!” The Dally was quickly escorted from Arpey’s office.
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